She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize