So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize