Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
