Pappa wants mamma naked
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Life without a bra equals bliss.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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