I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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