u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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