she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
