It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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