Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize