Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
