So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
soo... how was my night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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