If i come over, it means nothing
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
