i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
