Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
