you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
