my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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