Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
