when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Buhtt sex?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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