I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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