You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
