too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
