She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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