Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize