Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
