Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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