I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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