Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize