when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
