You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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