he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
