I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize