Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
