I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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