Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone came in the potted fern
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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