I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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