I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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