Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
