I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
