What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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