there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
