Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
