I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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