Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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