Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
