who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
