why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
