I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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