Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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