Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is classic penis vs brain.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He has the fingertips of a God
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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