Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
