I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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