I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
