We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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