we're chasing vodka with high fives
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
