Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So many bounce houses so little time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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