He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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