At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
