??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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