we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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