Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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