Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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