dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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