Got a toothbrush?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
