What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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