If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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