So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think i have two assholes
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
