Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
