Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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