She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
