I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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