Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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