He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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