I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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