i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
