Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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