Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i drank out of a bidet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize