Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
