Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
