Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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