Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
