I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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