Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk is not a location!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
