I hope mine doesn't look like that
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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