omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
