I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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