so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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