My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mom said you looked used
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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