A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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