Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
