Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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