Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
