She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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