I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
