when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
