Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
