you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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