then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He better not be in your backpack
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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