I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
