i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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