from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
