he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
