All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
