Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
