3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
