Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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