We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
